Job Application Tips

The following is a Public Service Announcement by The Ty. This information should be mandatory before graduation, but it seems like people really don't know. I have written these tips from my personal point of view, but I've tried to keep the tips themselves relevant to any job interview.

Normally, I avoid topics like this, but I'm annoyed. I have spent a significant amount of time this afternoon reviewing applications and doing pre-screening interviews over the phone. I've also done a couple of interviews recently. For anyone out there looking for work, please read the following tips:

1) When you show up to drop off your resume, show up dressed to be interviewed. If I catch you dropping off a resume for a department that I really need someone, I may stop you and interview you right there. If you are wearing a Metal Mulisha hoodie, sweat pants, worn sneakers, and smelling like weed, don't waste my time or yours.

2) Show up with a resume in hand. This shows me that you're serious and prepared. If you don't know how to make a resume, there are lots of templates online and lots of organizations in communities that will help you.

3) When we ask you to fill out an application, FILL OUT THE GODDAMN APPLICATION. If you simply write your contact information down on the front and inside you either nothing or "see resume" in any field, you have knowingly and deliberately refused to complete the very first task requested of you. You're lazy, you can't follow instructions, and there's no way I want to trust you with a job. Write something in every field. If the field does not apply to you, write "not applicable." We asked you to fill out the form, not write whatever you feel like writing. If you're not sure about the answer to one of the questions, feel free to take it home with you and come back with it filled out correctly. I would much rather read a complete application than waste my time with your half-assed crap. Also, include 3 references. "Upon request" is insufficient. Just give me the references.

4) Spell everything correctly. If I have to re-read something four times because you can't be bothered to actually put effort into it, I don't expect that you'll put effort into anything else, and I'll be annoyed with you before we've even met, IF we meet.

5) Deliver your completed application where directed. Insisting that it goes directly to the General Manager or to the Department Manager insults the person that's handling your application. I trust my staff to bring me the resume, but you'd better believe they're going to bring their opinion with them. If this requires a second trip, see #1.

6) Phone a few days later to follow up. This shows that you're serious about the job and dedicated to the task at hand. Be careful, because overdoing the follow-ups is annoying.

7) When you show up for your interview, dress up. I mean it. If you're male, wear a dress shirt and tie. If you're female, slacks or knee-length skirt, and a blouse. Either may wear a jacket. All things being equal, I will pick the one that put effort into his/her appearance every time. Subconsciously, a lot of managers may put more weight on your appearance than your actual interview. Use that to your advantage. If you dress like you don't care about my opinion of you, then it's a pretty solid indication that you're not going to care about my opinion of your work, either.

8) Show up early. This one is a no-brainer. If you can't or won't show up, call ahead. Even if you want to try again, that bridge will be burnt if you don't.

9) Wait patiently. I don't know any managers that are not busy people. If you respect my schedule, I will begin the interview in a much better mood. Show this respect by checking in with a receptionist, or lacking that, knock on my door or door frame. If you walk into my office announcing your arrival and plop down in my meeting chair before I'm ready for you, then you've invaded my boundaries and exceeded your welcome. This is going to be a short interview.

10) When I'm ready and I approach you, stand up. This is a sign of respect. If you can't be bothered to stand up, then either you don't respect me, or you're too lazy to stand up when etiquette dictates. Either way, I don't want you.

11) Shake my hand. Don't wait for me to offer mine. This shows confidence, even if you don't feel confident. Shake my hand, and address me as "sir" or "Mr. McLelland."  Don't call me Ty, unless we're already friends. Pretending to be my friend isn't going to make you my friend. Until you've been accepted into the team, you don't get to act like a member of the team. After you're hired, you can be respectful without being formal.

12) Don't sit until I invite you to, or at least until I sit. This is old-fashioned and formal, and most managers probably won't even consciously notice the gesture, but it'll still make them feel respected. That's a good thing. If I offer you refreshment, it's an honest offer and it's okay to accept. Do not have an alcoholic beverage unless I'm having one first. (When I'm interviewing, there's no booze. Others may indulge.)

13) Be positive. If you say negative things about previous employers, coworkers, and customers, I will instantly imagine you saying negative things about me, my team, and my customers. That's not good for business. I don't want that.

14) Be honest. If you tell me what you think I want to hear, eventually, I will find out that you were bullshitting me. When that happens, you may already be past your probation and proven your value, but I'll remember. It's not going to help your chances of getting pay increases, promotions, and favours. That's if I don't choose to terminate you for false representation.

15) Do your homework. Know something about the place. It'll add context to your answers and make you seem smarter and better qualified.

16) Ask questions. The prefix "inter" implies both ways. Show some interest. Show up with some questions prepared. Know that I'm trying to sell the job to you as much as you're trying to sell your candidacy to me.

17) At the conclusion of the interview, thank me for my time. Shake my hand again. You're still calling me "sir" or "Mr. McLelland". It is also okay to ask when you'll hear from me.

18) If you haven't heard from me when I said you would, follow up. Again, excessive calling is annoying, but following up doesn't hurt your chances.

19) If your email address has "420" in it, get a new email address. Something that doesn't read, "I have a need for instant gratification, so you're going to have to worry about me working sober, and I'm probably going to steal from you to pay for my habits@donthireme.com